How to turn your negative self-talk into a superpower
In a recent clubhouse event with Dr. Nicole Lipkin and Alexia Vernon, I heard a story about a woman who thought she was about to be fired.
She believed her work was terrible when compared to colleagues. She “knew” she wasn’t going to last much longer at her job. Upon digging further something interesting popped up. Not only was she not about to be fired… she actually received glowing testimonials from all co-workers!
Her negative self-talk and imposter syndrome blinded her from this truth. But the scariest thing is: what if her low confidence led to her work quality actually dropping? Then she really might have been fired.
If you find yourself doubting your ability to succeed, it likely has nothing to do with your competence. You’re one of the 7 out of 10 people that doubt your abilities — you’re not alone. But it’s also not a mindset that you should hold onto. Here’s how you can overcome that negative self-talk and get back to doing what you do best:
Identify The Voices In Your Head
Alexia Vernon shared with us the steps she recommends to her clients. When imposter syndrome rears its ugly head, it comes under the guise of three voices.
- The Critic. The critic finds fault with everything you do. It compares you with other people and looks to drag you down at all costs.
- The Cop. The cop is black and white thinking gone haywire. It says if you’re not doing something “perfectly” then it’s wrong. This leads to constant uncertainty around decision-making and terrible productivity.
- The Cheerleader. This one is surprising, but you know that voice that’s supposed to be helpful (e.g. “It’s okay you’re low on sleep and running on fumes — you can nail this presentation!”). Well, in small doses this is helpful. But if it becomes a habit, you’re just reinforcing terrible behaviors that hurt you long term.
So is there a simple solution to these chattering voices?
Yes — the voice of The Coach.
If you find yourself spiraling into negative self-talk, use the coach’s voice to use productive statements that drown out unhelpful ones.
For example:
Not “haven’t you failed at this before?”
…But “Where have you already succeeded?”
Not “If you don’t get it exactly right, it’s a failure.”
…But “Relax, there’s more than one way to be successful in this task.”
Not “No problem staying up late if you just power through work tomorrow!”
…But “Just a second, are you being unrealistic right now?”
This changes your relationship with your internal voice into a helpful one. And doing so will go a LONG way towards managing imposter syndrome.
Stare your weakness in the face
If you only use your strengths and ignore your flaws, you’ll magnify weaknesses over time. Recognizing your opportunities for growth can help you make a plan to minimize them. You can do this by making a list of tasks that make you uncomfortable and working on the most impactful one first.
For example, if you feel you need more of a grasp on the tech stack that your engineering team uses so you can better project manage them, try to find a YouTube channel that has some daily content to consume or a course an engineer on the team would recommend. Chipping away every day leads to leaps and bounds of progress. Your inner coach will be happy to see you grow!
Live beyond your work
When people have a one-dimensional life that only revolves around work, it’s MUCH harder to drown out negative voices.
After all, if you only have work (and work is challenging you), then it’s like your whole life is in a negative space. Keep in mind that you have many sides to yourself. Hang out with friends. Spend time with family. Explore non-work-related hobbies like writing to keep you grounded.
Remember that as much as we can get caught up in imposter syndrome, all that chatter is nothing more than data — NOT fact! By developing your inner coach, and chipping away at your growth opportunities, you’ll be able to see things more clearly: that you’re competent, capable, and can take on any challenge in your path!
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